Ending months of speculation, BNSF has finally unveiled its NEW paint scheme. The locomotive choosen to receive the new scheme is BNSF Dash 10-SD100MAC 007 which was just recently delivered from GE-GMD. 007 was repainted at VMV in Paducah, KY, in a deliberate attempt to confuse railfans and to prevent Pentrex from getting a video featuring 007 in the stores before the paint dried.
Reaction to the new paint scheme is mixed among BNSF employees, railfans, and the general public. "Damn, those colors look familar" said one employee, while another employee remarked "Are you sure that's a new paint scheme? I seem to recall seeing those colors on several other locomotives". Yet another wag, identified only as George C., indicated his approval of the new scheme. "It fulfills the wishes of God, Omaha, and E.H. Harriman. All is right in the railroad world now. Even James J. Hill would agree that the new paint scheme reflects the real railroad empire that was built in the U.S."
BNSF officials were quick to defend their choice of Armour Yellow and Harbourmist Gray for the new paint scheme. Robert Krebs says that choosing those particular colors was only natural. "We didn't want to sell out to the Omaha boys, but that $23875 billion offer was just too good to refuse. After something like that happens, ya gotta do what the boss man says to do. Mr. S. Lee likes those colors, and so that's what were going to paint our locomotives. Also our freight cars and both of the cabooses left on the roster."
Krebs followed up his remarks by making the not-unexpected annnouncement that BNSF would henceforth be know as the Rocky-the-Goat Subdivision of the Warbonnet District, 101st Division of the UP. Already UP has contracted with 300 different Maaco's to repaint the BNSF's locomotives. "They were going to paint 'em for $299 each, but they gave us a steep discount" said Krebs, who also stated that he would leave his job as Big Kahuna of BNSF and accept a transfer to Rawlins, Wyoming. "Dunno what my job would be, but they told me to go there, sit tight, and they'd call me when they needed me".
Announcement of the new paint scheme has caused DuPont to increase production at all of their factories. Kodak is also pleased with the new paint scheme. "Minutes after 007 rolled out of the paint shop, there was a sudden rush on film at every Wal-Mart in the West. Railfans are rushing to photograph every piece of BN and AT&SF equipment they can find" said J. Boyd in Rochester, NY. The new introduction has caused the price of paper to skyrocket. This rise is probably attributable to the 98-page "Farewell-to-BNSF" pieces that are now being planned for Pacific Railnews, Trains, Better Homes and Gardens, and Playboy.
Officials at several competing railroads declined to speak publicly about this sudden event out of fear for what might happen when their railroad is bought out. One official in Jacksonville, FL, did say "Those UP folks never talk about anything except how they're going to get us back for that little incident with 3985 on the Clinchfield." There was no comment from the folks in Roanoke, VA. One NS official did say privately "We're kind of scared. Last week some guy with a beard showed up at the museum, looked at 611 and got this weird gleem in his eye. He kept muttering something about 'I ought to get this tea kettle out to Sherman, race it against Eight Four Four, and forever show the world that we got the meanest 4-8-4 ever built".
When asked how they plan to pay for the acquisition of BNSF, UP officials quickly said "Petty cash, of course. We got a nice little tax refund this year". In addition to installing CD players, microwaves, VCR's, tinted windows and iced tea machines in all locomotive cabs, UP plans to triple-track all former BNSF trackage and purcase the towns of Burlington, IA and Santa Fe, NM, and rename them Omahaville. Also, UP officials made clear that that no suffixes would be added to the UP name. "Hey, when we buy a railroad, it becomes part of UP. None of this kissing up to those sentimental fools who want to keep those old-fashioned names."