The FerroEquinologist's Code
of Professional Responsibility

From: Ray Meyer 
Newsgroups: misc.transport.rail.americas
Subject: Railfan Rules (long)
Date: Fri, 06 Jun 1997 15:18:26 -0500

A group of us at my club railfan together a lot, and I decided to
create some "rules" for our trips.  I leave to your imagination the
incidents that gave rise to the various rules.  I would welcome your
additions, suggestions, clarifications, and just plain old stories that
these might suggest.

	Ray

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THE FERROEQUINOLOGIST'S CODE OF PROFESSIONAL RESPONSIBILITY

(Otherwise, "The Railfan Rules")

• Section 1. Transportation.

  1.1

  Driver has complete responsibility for the vehicle and therefore may do anything , and has the right to order anyone to do anything while the vehicle is in motion, that facilitates the comfort and safety of all aboard. (The "It's My Car" Rule). Included in this rule are:

  1. The right to control the radio.
  2. The right to control the ventilation and temperature.
  3. The right to make any other rule for the above purposes.
  4. The right to refuse transportation to anyone who has consumed a large quantity of beans, beer, and/or burritos (especially "and").

  1.2

  No one has a right to criticize the driver for any reason. Exceptions:

  1. The owner of the car.
  2. The wife of the owner of the car.
  3. A passenger who has sustained a serious injury in the crash.
  4. The navigator if he gave correct directions that were intentionally ignored by the driver. This exception does not apply if the navigator has given wrong directions at any time, including on a previous trip.
  5. A duly appointed officer of the law.

  1.2(m)

  No one may repeat a criticism of the driver even if made by a person authorized to criticize.

  1.3

  Seat allocation is on first come, first serve basis. Exceptions:

  1. The owner of the vehicle determines the driver. The driver shall occupy the left front seat at all times.
  2. The right front passenger seat belongs to the trip navigator.
  3. The driver has the right to fire the navigator and compel a reallocation of seats. Passengers may elect to choose the navigator by lot (The "Short Straw" Rule).
  4. On trips of more than one day, some type of seat rotation shall be instituted (The "No Monopolization" Rule).
  5. Persons with noxious BO may be compelled by majority vote to ride in the trunk or on the luggage carrier, or with the offending body part hanging out of the window.

  1.4

  Persons who can be reasonably expected to track staining substances into, or reasonably can be expected to stain, or have a history of staining, the passenger compartment may be denied re-entry into the vehicle (The "Greasy Boots" Rule). See also Rule 4.9.

  1.5

  All passengers shall utilize at the restroom facilities on every stop. The failure to do so shall mean the offending party may not compel a relief stop for his convenience (The "You Shoulda Gone Back There" Rule).

  1.6

  The navigator is not allowed to sleep at any time. If he missed a significant turn during the day, this means outside the vehicle as well (The "Stay Up and Study the Maps!" Rule).

  1.7

  Any person who shouts direction shall be subject to the same penalties as the navigator, whether designated as such or not. Persons who shout correct directions that are not followed are subject to the penalty of being named navigator. Persons other than the navigator who give correct directions that are not followed are entitled to upbraid the navigator but not the driver; see Rule 1.2.

  1.8

  Drivers shall wait until all passengers are in the vehicle before departing. See Rule 4.5 for exceptions. Passengers shall take special note of anxious or eager drivers but are reminded of Rule 1.2.

  1.9

  Routes and stops shall be preplanned. Detours or side trips are allowed only upon the spotting of unique or unusual railroad equipment, items of railroad historical significance, or things that happen to catch the driver's fancy. Other detours or side trips shall be classified as navigational errors attributable to the person in the right front seat.

  1.10

  Back seat passengers' responsibilities: A. Scanner monitoring. B. Lookouts for road signs, turns, trains, and food. C. Litter control. D. Second-guessing the navigator.

  1.11

  A log of the trip shall be kept by the navigator, showing the date, time, mileage, and significant events of the trip. A designated alternate shall maintain the log when the duty of navigation is too encompassing or the navigator lacks the skills of readable handwriting, ability to tell time, or simple common sense.

  1.12

  Skid marks caused by untimely navigational cues will be charged to the navigator (The "Turn Now!" Rule). The penalties of rule 1.6 may be appplied for repeated violations of this rule.

  1.13

  The driver is like the captain of an 18th century British ship. If he likes you he can be very good to you. If he hates you he can take your camera, put in irons, make you walk the rail, or impose any other penalty for a violation of the rules he deems appropriate to allow you to make the return trip. Passengers should govern their behavior accordingly.

  1.14

  The navigator may be blamed for all problems of the trip. [If you read the rules carefully, you really don't want to be navigator.]

• Section 2. Trip Expenses.

  2.1

  All passengers shall share equally the costs of gas, tolls, and parking, except the owner of the vehicle being used. Exceptions:

  1. Detours of more than 10 miles as a result of missed turns or other navigational errors shall be at the navigator's cost.
  2. Interior and exterior cleaning of the vehicle after a long or especially dirty trip shall be equally shared. Exceptions to the exception:
     1. Anyone causing a nasty mess shall pay all costs of clean-up. A majority vote of the passengers may invoke this subsection (the "Slobbola" Rule).
     2. Extensive road dust caused by a navigational error shall be the responsibility of the navigator (The "Dusty Roads" Rule).
  3. On short trips, in lieu of gas payment, passengers may buy the driver dinner, provided that the server at the restaurant is not obligated by the duties of his job to say "Ya want fries with that?".

  2.2

  The owner of the vehicle is responsible for any repairs. Exceptions:

  1. Damage occasioned by passenger's urgings to follow a particular path, especially down unpaved roads or nonroads (The "You're The Navigator" Rule).
  2. Damage caused by the passenger's actions, inactions, or size (The "Two Ton Baker" Rule).

  2.3

  Traffic tickets will be the responsibility of the driver unless one of the following apply:

  1. A train is in sight.
  2. Someone thought a train was in sight.
  3. Someone thought he heard a train..
  4. A train would have been in sight except for the traffic cop.
  5. The scanner says a train is near
  6. The passengers are urging the driver to make up lost time, find the train, or otherwise muttering comments about "burning daylight."
  7. A passenger is emitting noxious odors from a need to evacuate his viscera (no words are necessary to invoke this exception).

  2.4

  Parking tickets are common expenses. Towing expenses are the responsibility of the person who said "nobody will mind."

• Section 3. Equipment.

  3.1

  Each person shall be responsible for the equipment he brings. Drivers are not required to make long detours for equipment left behind, nor to stop to replace missing equipment (The "There's No Turning Back" Rule).

  3.2

  No one shall use any one else's equipment without permission.

  3.3

  Unless there is unanimous agreement, no side trips for additional film, medication, sun screen, or other such commodities will be made. All passengers shall have checklists to ensure they bring all needed items (The "There's No Stopping Now" Rule).

  3.4

  Stowage allowances:

  1. For day trips, each passenger shall be allowed a camera bag not to exceed one cubic foot, and another bag not to exceed one cubic foot nor 10 pounds.
  2. For trips exceeding one day, each passenger shall be allowed a camera bag not to exceed one cubic foot, a tripod fully collapsed, and one other bag not to exceed one and one half cubic feet nor 25 pounds.
  3. Stowage allowances are inclusive of souvenirs on the trip, and persons expecting to collect souvenirs are expected to start with less to accommodate acquisitions.
  4. Acquisitions:
     1. The driver shall have the right to reject any acquisitions that have any taint of illegality attached to them, in his discretion. In the event that such an item is not rejected and is subsequently discovered by a person having arrest authority, the acquirer shall immediately and loudly acknowledge his possession of same and aver no knowledge thereof on the part of the other passengers of the vehicle.
     2. A majority vote of passengers shall be sufficient to abandon any acquisition that emits a noxious odor or sound, or is a living member of the animal kingdom (dead members being excluded automatically without a vote).
     3. The driver may demand a share of the booty, provided he accepts a share of the jail time attached thereto.
  5. The driver may increase allowances at his discretion, providing that no passenger is deprived of reasonable comfort in seating.
  6. Persons who gain significant weight on a trip may be compelled to lighten their baggage.
  7. The driver is not bound to allocate any leftover space or weight allowances equally and may allocate it all to himself if he so chooses (The "Extra Crannies" corollary to the "It's My Car" Rule) .

• Section 4. Railfan Demeanor.

  4.1

  No passenger shall expel any noxious odor in the vehicle (The "Beano" Rule).

  4.2

  No person shall talk over the scanner(s). Duct tape may be employed to enforce observance of this rule by repeat offenders.

  4.3

  All persons shall respect photo lines. Photo lines are established by the first person to set up for the picture. Violators may be leashed with any available material, and deprived of film (The "Kevin Filter" Rule).

  1. A photo line cannot be established by a person who:
     1. Has a history of inability to understand basic photographic composition, or
     2. Is noted for either reckless or multiple shots of everything in sight, or
     3. Is using a disposable camera or any equipment purchased more than 30 years ago, or
     4. Has a history of not developing the pictures he takes..

  4.4

  Theft of artistic concept in photos is grounds for shunning.

  4.5

  Passengers without two way radios shall stay in hailing distance of the driver. Penalty for violation of this rule includes, without limitation, being left behind.

  1. Driver is required to stop for passengers running after the vehicle if they are within 50 feet and no train is within sight or hearing.
  2. Driver may temporarily abandon any passenger not within close proximity to the vehicle (whether tied by two way radio or not) to capture a train photograph at another location if the person abandoned "probably wouldn't have made it in time anyway." (The Emergency Doctrine, otherwise known as the "Don't Go Running Off" Rule).

  4.6

  Persons who cause any passenger to miss a scheduled deadline with that person's wife, child or significant other must admit to same and apologize in person to the party aggrieved. If necessary for the health or future railfanning of the aggrieved person, an apology shall be made whether or not the other person did anything wrong (The "Bill's Fault" Rule).

  4.7

  Persons who have a recorded history of getting in other people's photographs shall wear camouflage clothing (The "No Fluorescent Colors" Rule).

  4.8

  The sighting of a train shall be loudly and immediately announced. The false making of such a signal (the joke having gone stale long ago) is grounds for ejection from the vehicle, in addition to reparations for any damage to the brakes of the vehicle or to the driver's heart. Failure to announce a real train, if done for the purpose of getting an exclusive photo, is grounds for confiscation of the violator's camera.

  4.9

  Medical emergencies that are not life-threatening do not constitute grounds for immediate removal from the railfanning site (The "Tough Men Live with Pain" Rule). Persons bleeding shall take note of rules 1.4 and 2.1.b.1. Weight lost as a result of blood or tissue loss increments the loser's acquisition allowance proportionately.

  4.10

  No person shall retell embarrassing trip stories about any person to the person's wife, children, or significant other, or to a person who might pass along the gossip to such a person. Anything may be told to another member of the club, who has an ethical obligation to observe this rule.

• Section 5. Comestibles.

  5.1

  Food is not the principal purpose of a railfan trip (The "Gung Ho" Rule).

  5.2

  Stops for food shall be by majority rule, with the driver having a veto. Exceptions:

  1. Any person may reject a fast food restaurant if the previous three meals have been at fast food restaurants (The "Mickey D" Rule).
  2. If agreed in advance, on trips of longer than a day, each passenger may exercise the option to choose the eating establishment without majority agreement once on the trip. The following restaurants are excluded option choices:
     2. Any place featuring cuisine developed west of Sacramento, CA, south of Hutchinson, KS, or east of Berlin (bratwurst and kielbasa being assigned to Sheboygan, WI; other regional bigotries are consigned to the category of personal menu choices).
     3. Any place where the potato or salad course is ala carte.
     4. Any place where the flies outnumber the patrons.
     5. Any place that would violate Rule 5.3.

  5.3

  No restaurant or chain shall be visited more than once on a trip. There are no exceptions to this rule (The "No Duplication" Rule).

  5.4

  Persons who must eat according to a particular schedule shall have appropriate nourishment on hand in case the other passengers do not care to stop.

  5.5

  Rules regarding comestibles in vehicles:

  1. Persons who bring or purchase snacks without notifying the others may be required to share same (The "Kindergarten" Rule).
  2. Persons who get crumbs in the car may be required to vacuum same.
  3. Persons who make messes in the car shall be required to 'fess up to the owner's wife and apologize to same.
  4. Persons bringing snacks or other food items into the vehicle shall remove all such items with them, and shall not leave them thinking someone else can eat them (The "Abandoned Fritos" Rule).

  5.6

  Passengers may eat as much or as often as they choose subject to the limitations herein; however, all passengers are reminded of Rule 3.4.6.

  5.7

  Meals shall be scheduled during times when a 52mm lens with a 3.4 f-stop requires an exposure of 1/8 second or longer with ASA 400 film, or when rainfall is exceeding one inch per hour (The "Burning Daylight" Rule).

• Section 6. Dispute Resolution.

  6.1

  There's no hope for this group. Why bother writing rules to resolve disputes? A rabbi with 40 years of Tamudic study couldn't niggle the differences.

• Section 7. Modifications of the Rules.

  7.1

  Any rule can be suspended for a designated trip by a majority vote with the following vote weighting:

  1. Every passenger gets one vote;
  2. The driver gets 2 votes;
  3. The owner of the car gets 10 votes; and
  4. The owner's wife gets 50 votes.

  7.2

  Persons not present at the time of the vote are not counted. However, a majority of the votes present at any time may reconsider a prior vote.